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Post by Reese Mackenzie on May 4, 2008 19:16:27 GMT -5
Reese was scared to love again. To open her heart to someone cause the ones she cared about, the ones she loved always left her or hurt her. In the past she had been with the wrong people who just wanted her body and nothing more. She had broken her heart dozens of times but it had been shattered when Jake got killed. For a brief moment she had felt relieved when he had returned the kiss. But that feeling got ripped apart when she felt Christian push her away. Reese felt rejected, causing a soft sob to leave her lips when he turned his face away from her.
Taking his rejection as a sign he didn’t want her close, Reese backed away from him. Her brown eyes teared up when she raised herself to her feet. If even her best friend didn’t want her than who did? Not knowing what to do or say Reese did the only thing she could do: walk away from him while silent tears left her eyes and soft sobs left her lips.
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Post by Christian Tait on May 4, 2008 19:25:40 GMT -5
The second he heard the soft sobs escape from her lips as she stood to leave Christian truly hated himself. He hated that he was falling so hard for this girl, hated that he returned the kiss, hated that he hurt her. He clutched a hand to his heart, letting his head fall down to rest on his raised knees as he moaned loudly as if in immense pain. Which he was. "Mack!" He croaked.
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Post by Reese Mackenzie on May 4, 2008 19:32:36 GMT -5
Three or four steps is what she had managed to take before Christian called out for her. Standing still her back was still turned to him when she wrapped her arms around herself. Biting her bottom lip she turned around, her cheeks stained with tears. “Yeah?” her voice soft and unsure. He was going to tell her this was a mistake. That the kiss should never have happened and that he didn’t want her. Even though she was scared to what he might say next she did wait for him to respond.
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Post by Christian Tait on May 4, 2008 19:44:20 GMT -5
Christian turned his head towards her as she spoke, one hand clutched tightly to his heart the other around his knees. His cheeks stained from the salty tears. It was a mistake, for him to look at her in any other way than as a friend. He couldn't lose her from some stupid feeling that he kept bottled up inside of himself. "I'm sorry..I.." He paused, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. "I'msorryIloveyou" He said it so fast it was almost a blur.
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Post by Reese Mackenzie on May 4, 2008 19:53:41 GMT -5
And yet he didn’t. He…apologized? If Reese wasn’t confused about this whole I-kissed-my-best-friend thing than she sure was now. The way he was sitting on the ground made her feel miserable inside. That she was messed up was one thing but now she had even managed to make Chris cry! She should be the one to apologize. Not him. “There is nothing you have to apologize for Christian…” he had every right to reject her. Even if she didn’t want him to.
The next few words that left his lips she couldn’t hear very well. Making it hard to figure out what he had just said. “What are you sorry for? I don’t understand…” her voice trailing off again.
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Post by Christian Tait on May 4, 2008 20:01:57 GMT -5
"I'm sorry that I love you" Christian repeated a bit more slowly. "I'm sorry that every morning when I wake up you are the first person on my mind and the last before I close my eyes to sleep. I'm sorry that whenever I look at you those stupid butterflies erupt in my stomach or how I can't take my eyes off of you from across the room in the great hall or in class. I'm just sorry ok?" He looked away from her, surprised at his own outburst. He hadn't wanted her to hear all the little details, they only made things worse because it proved that Chris Tait had some feelings for her. He hated having those feelings.
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Post by Reese Mackenzie on May 4, 2008 20:14:11 GMT -5
It was as if she just got an invisible blow to her chest, causing her to feel like she couldn’t breathe. Closing her eyes Reese tried to breathe slowly but tears wanting to break free made her open her eyes again. By the time she had done so Chris was not looking at her anymore. A knife in her heart. A big knife that was twisting and turning, stabbing her just cause it could.
He was sorry for loving her.
His outburst made it very clear to Reese that he didn’t like feeling the way he did. That he loved her but didn’t want to. Reese didn’t know what was worse: not having anyone who loved you or having someone who loved you but disliked it, felt sorry for it. “I wish you didn’t feel sorry…but I guess wishes don’t come true. At least mine don’t.”
And with those words she turned around and walked away from him again. Reese couldn’t do this. Hearing him say he loved her but didn’t want to. Not while she wanted him to love her.
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Post by Christian Tait on May 4, 2008 20:24:44 GMT -5
Reese had gotten it all wrong, again. He couldn't let her leave like that. He quickly wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, jumping to his feet to catch her wrist before she had gone more than a few steps. This whole mess made him feel sick to his stomach. "I want nothing more than to have all of your wishes to come true Mack.." Chris said, his voice cracking. "I don't think you get it. I'm sorry for loving you because I know you don't feel the same. You are my best friend..my only friend..and feeling this way about you only means that I will lose you someday and I don't want that to happen" He took a step back, dropping her wrist to give her a chance to get away. "I must disgust you, don't I?"
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Post by Reese Mackenzie on May 4, 2008 20:47:23 GMT -5
She couldn’t handle this, not tonight. Not now. What she felt for Christian was confusing her, scaring her. Cause if she loved him he would leave her. Everyone would always leave her. Her parents, Alec had once in the past, Jake. At first she had thought Alec might have liked her but she had been wrong about that. He liked Krista, a girl from his past. A vampire who claimed him as her own. How could she beat that? She knew she couldn’t, not even if she tried.
And Chris? Reese had always loved him. He was her best friend. The one she could count on, the one who was always there. The one she could laugh with, cry with and be silly with. The only thing she had not done before was truly love him, in a way that meant more than just friends. Slowly over the last few weeks that had changed but did it really matter? He didn’t want her. She was just a little girl with a crush on her best friend.
All of a sudden she felt his hand grip her wrist, which made her turn around. Her brown eyes were watery, making her mascara run down her cheeks. Her bottom lip trembled lightly, something that only happened when she was really upset. She shook her head when he backed away, saying she must be disgusted by him.
“No you don’t, you make me want to kiss you again.” she whispered. So he did love her? This was getting so confusing! “You won’t ever loose me Chris. No matter what happens.”
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Post by Christian Tait on May 5, 2008 4:17:48 GMT -5
The only difference between her and Chris was that he had never experienced the heart ache of a relationship gone wrong. Not even close. People only came to him when they wanted release, he was their go to guy for sex or so to speak. Both men and woman came to him, not to mention little children. He couldn't forget about Brooke's mum, she was barely even a teenager. Nobody had ever loved Chris, only now was the feeling of being lonely getting worse.
He looked down, suddenly interested in his shoelaces, as Reese turned back towards him. Not wanting to see the pain and disgust on her face. It would only make him feel worse. Maybe he should have just let her go? It was a huge mistake coming out here tonight. No, it was best if he had kept on admiring her from afar, dreaming about what could be. But then she spoke and his heart began to race so rapidly that he feared she might be able to hear it.
"Kiss me?" He repeated weakly. "Why?"
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Post by Reese Mackenzie on May 5, 2008 5:59:48 GMT -5
Had it been a mistake to let him turn her around? Should she have walked away and hope this awkwardness between them would vanish over night? All the options seemed to be the wrong one and when he weakly asked why she would want to kiss him again Reese really did not know anymore what to do. He obviously didn’t want her to walk away since he kept her from doing so. And yet he didn’t, or couldn’t, look at her also.
“Cause I...” she started, but Reese couldn't say it. What if she told him that she loved him? That what she felt right now was a crush that was growing, getting stronger. What if he would leave? What if he would die? She couldn't handle it if either of those things happened. “Dammit Chris! Look at me!” It pissed her off that he kept his eyes turned away from her. Here she was, standing in front of him cause he didn’t let her walk away but yet she was sort of ignored by him.
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Post by Christian Tait on May 5, 2008 15:24:59 GMT -5
Christian literally jumped when he heard Reese's harsh voice snap at him, not used to the sound. She had never yelled at him before, well not purposely. He followed her orders though, like a good little boy, tear filled eyes traveling slowly up her body until they met hers. His head was still bent low towards the ground. "You don't have to answer if you don't want.." He mumbled under his breath. "Just forget that I ever said anything"
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Post by Reese Mackenzie on May 5, 2008 15:45:14 GMT -5
Reese was biting on her lip to try and keep herself from crying even more. For a short moment she had been so relieved when Chris had returned the kiss. But now? Now she didn’t know what to feel anymore. For a moment she just locked eyes with him, both of them were crying at this point. “I’m scared okay?” she replied but managed to keep her voice calm. “I’m scared of what I feel inside….for you.”
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Post by Christian Tait on May 5, 2008 16:12:54 GMT -5
Christian lifted his head up then, the only thing he could hear was his aching heart pounding in his ears. The way she felt inside for him? That could either be a good thing or a bad thing for Chris. He was hoping for the good. He took a small step forward, stroking a shaking hand across her soft cheek. Wiping the tears away. He wouldn't press her on the subject, she would tell him if she wanted him to hear. He had already screwed everything up by opening his big mouth in the first place.
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Post by Reese Mackenzie on May 5, 2008 17:03:19 GMT -5
Reese closed her eyes for a brief moment, gently pressing her cheek more against his hand. After Jake’s death her heart closed itself for love. Scared to love anyone again, scared to get hurt and scared to loose the people who meant something to her. “I do feel the same…” the words were whispered so softly she wasn’t even sure he had heard her say them. She couldn’t tell him in the exact words how she felt about him. Not just yet. Her heart wasn’t ready.
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